i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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