dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
