It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
