I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize