The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize