He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pooping to opera.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
