So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
