I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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