but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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