Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize