Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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