ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Houston, we have a blender
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
