I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Bring me that man meat
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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