Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
They have beer where we have blood.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
