you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
