well I can't set my house on fire every night
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
