First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
