It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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