yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
