woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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