dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
