just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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