i always forget guys have bellybuttons
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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