i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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