this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
