We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
