i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
