you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
