If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
