Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
