I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
