I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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