also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
