Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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