Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize