I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
