..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
