Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
