Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
