She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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