There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
