I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
