Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
