New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
