Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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