It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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