we have pet lesbian snakes
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
