all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
