So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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