Your mouth is God's brothel.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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