I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
