no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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