Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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