Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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