we're blogging at a bar
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
