You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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