i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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