Sacagawea was the original milf.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
