made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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