so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
