Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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