How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
