I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
