never play flip cup with pint glasses
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
