I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
