Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
