I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
