just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize