I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
