I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
