I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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