there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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