It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize