When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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