the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize