Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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