Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize